innocence lost

November 20th, 2012 § 3 comments

 the intrusion

of penetrating

words never heard,

so perfectly strung together

 

but red

with the blood from cracked

and used lips,

misunderstood

 

too many

years in between,

a first indulgence,

that made a mind undone

 

sweetly smiling

and fresh

like new pink flesh,

but pressed and confused

 

unfair advantage in

that dirty

nightmare,

of mistaken love

§ 3 Responses to innocence lost"

  • Tara McCrone says:

    I thought your poem was a little ambiguous and unclear of the exact meaning. However, the line breaks and stanza separations are great. I love the tension they bring. I would not change anything that has to do with your poem’s structure. Just add some more concrete statements instead of abstract.

  • csmccarry says:

    The use of line breaks to convey an underlying meaning is really interesting and effective in this poem! I think you could take a look at your punctuation, though, as some of it seems unnecessary.

  • dlamber2 says:

    I’m a bit confused about what this is about– it almost seems like this poem is about itself, or the act of writing.
    I like portions of this poem however, like the lines “like new pink flesh”– this is a line that’s really showing, not telling: Love it!
    I feel like the confusion of this poem comes from concrete images that aren’t connected to any abstractions that can connect in our minds as something relateable.

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